Jail Bird
by Alara's Tale
Summary: "Look, it isn't my fault we're stuck in here! I'm just an innocent bystander." .. "THAT DOESN'T MAKE ARSON OKAY!" PruCan, lots of swearing (it's Prussia), human names. Probably teen. Disclaimer: Plot is mine, characters aren't.


"Look, it isn't MY fault that we're stuck here. I'm just an innocent bystander." I spat, shifting uncomfortably on the hard wooden chair. My hands were cuffed painfully behind my back, and the annoying idiot sitting a chair away wasn't helping my mood at all. I shook my head, hoping some of my hair would obscure my vision. If I had to look at that guy any longer, I'd go crazy.

"Hey, you just happened to be taking a walk. It isn't my fault you're here. Blame your own bad timing." He stated lazily, slumped against the wall. He gave off the air of someone who just didn't care at all. His sleek silver hair was tangled and his clothes were full of rips and tears. "So, what's your name?"

"Why should I tell you that? I don't even know who the hell you are!"

"Well excuse me. A guy can't even try to make pleasant conversation without getting his head bitten off, it seems."

"Asshole." I muttered, waiting patiently for the officer to come back. He would come, let me go, and give the loudmouth next to me a fine or some community service or something.

"What was that?" He challenged.

"You are an asshole. There are very few people I'd hate to be with right now more than you. What, did you miss the memo?" I was beyond annoyed at this point of time.

"Well Blondie, I guess that makes you an idiot then. Because your involvement isn't my fault, and you can't see that apparently." His smirk grew as he sat up, ready for a good long argument.

"Blondie? What's that supposed to mean, old man? With your hair at this rate, you'll be bald in two weeks."

"Oh yeah? You're just jealous of my awesome silver mane. All you have is that tangled rats nest. I'll bet you don't even own a comb!" He let out a chuckle, looking over his shoulder with disinterest.

"How would you know? You look like you just stepped out of a-"

"Oh, shut it you two. You fight like an old married couple." I turned to see who had interrupted my insult, and immediately found the reason for the idiot's laugh. A girl stood beside us with a stern look engraved on her face. She was tall and thin, with wavy long hair. Green eyes carried her piercing gaze. She looked to be about our age. But, the most important thing that caught my eye was the badge she was holding. Well, that and her police uniform. "You're Gilbert Beilschmidt, right?" She said, pointing to jerk next to me with a look of disgust.

"That's me, but you can call me anything you'd like Dear." His eyes had a mischievous look to them.

"That's Officer Herdervy to you. Now shut up." She turned to face me, and checked the thin case file she'd carried in with her. "So, that makes you Matthew Williams then."

"Yes." I sank back into my chair, just wanting to get out of this bitter, cold room.

"Alright. We're still straightening out the details of this whole incident, so you two might have to stay the night at the station if things get complicated. We'll get statements from both of you in a little bit, so hang tight." She spoke with the air of someone who had done this way too many times.

"Wait. I'm stuck in the same room as him? I'd rather die in a hole." Gilbert

"Deal with it." She carefully closed the folder and left the room. I shifted slightly to the side as much as I could, trying to avoid the gaze of my unlucky room mate.

"Well, I guess I'm stuck here with you, Bird Brain." He tried to scratch the side of his head, before realizing he was still cuffed to the chair.

"Bird Brain? Really?" I sighed. "You're the one who just completely forgot about the handcuffs."

"Are you trying to imply something with all this talk of cuffs?" He winked at me, and I turned away in disgust. How much more obnoxious could this guy get?

"Oh, shut up. No matter what you would like to believe, I still have some decency. Unlike you, who has the air of trying to flirt with anything that remotely resembles a woman."

"Man." Gilbert interjected. "You know, you can't judge a book by its cover."

"Well, excuuuuuse me Princess." I snickered, hoping to finally shut him up.

"You are quite excused! And do you see a tiara here?" He stated smugly.

"Asshole."

"Birdie."

"Wait. What?"

"Birdie. Birdieeeeee. Biiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrddiee." He drug his words out, stressing each differently. Playful. Serious. Or just downright annoying.

"What. The. Hell man." I commented, a step from kicking him in the face. That step however was being handcuffed to a chair across the room.

"Is there a problem? I didn't quite catch your name, so I made an awesome one up for you instead." He beamed with pride.

"Oh, sure. Awesome. About as awesome as the house you lit on FIRE?" I raged, seriously done with talking to this guy. Gilbert. What an idiot.

"What house?" A sheepish look adorned his face, and I shot him the nastiest glare I could manage.

"My house. My goddam residence."

"Whoops."

"Whoops? WHOOPS? That all you have to say?!" I felt anger seeping into my veins. This asshole wasn't even sorry!

"Well, I didn't meeean to set it on fire. It kind of just happened. I was aiming for Alfred's house."

"We share a house you idiot! And that doesn't make arson okay!" I sighed, tired of yelling.

"Oh, that was your house Mr. Williams? I guess that explains why you reported the crime. You were just returning home from a walk then?" A strong voice spoke up from behind them, and I realized Officer Herdervy was back. Gilbert however, did not.

"HOLY SHIT! Where did you come from?" He tried to jump back, but did little more than scoot his chair a few inches.

"The door, Mr. Beilschmidt. You know, the one in the wall right over there?" At least I wasn't the only one who hated his attitude. Well, that and the fact that he burned down the top half of my house.

"Oh. Well, that makes sense. Do you know these things, called rhetorical questions? You know, the ones you aren't supposed to answer?" He smiled, brushing her comeback off with ease.

"To answer your question Officer, yes, that is my house that was burnt. My brother was out of the house at the time, and I had gone for a walk. When I came back, the top floor was just starting to burn and this idiot was trying to run into the bushes. I caught him and called 911." I pointed towards the idiot across the room, explaining each point in my case carefully. Hopefully they'd let me go home.

"Thanks Mr. Williams. However, I'm not the one to take your statement." She said lazily, as if this was a regular occurrence.

"Oh man, this is great. I get this big lecture from Birdie over here telling me not to say anything out of line, seeing as I've "already caused enough problems" tonight. And then he gets nailed for talking out of turn. Precious!" Gilbert laughed, earning another dirty look

"Oh, shut up you." I snarled

"Will one of you just come with me to give your statement?" The officer said, shaking her head. "Beilshmidt. Go."

"If you insist." He raised his eyebrows, earning a quick slap in the face as Officer Herdervy unlocked his handcuffs. "Bye-bye Birdie!" He winked. I swear, the next time that punk meets me on the street, he'd be mailed home in a pile of pulp. The two of them walked through the now-open door, leaving the room much more silent than it had been before. I let out a quick sigh, relieved to finally have some time to think without a loud yelling noise interrupting.

Beilshmidt. Of all the people to be stuck in a room with for the evening. I guess I didn't have much of a choice though. At least it wasn't Ivan. I could deal with the obnoxiousness of Gilbert, forever interrupting any hope of silence. I couldn't deal with the creepy aura Ivan exuded in complete silence. Whenever I was in the same room with that kid, things seemed to get colder. I dunno, maybe I was just imagining things. He couldn't really do that, could he? Huh. Maybe I should ask Arthur about it. He'd be one to know all about strange phenomena. I'm sure he'd be happy to talk about it too. Well, when he isn't off with Alfred. Those two made a cute couple, but it was almost disheartening being around the two of them. Seeing a couple that fits together so well is always a little sad. Well, at least Francis backs me up on that. It'll be a long time until he stops chasing after our british friend.

But none of that was really the problem here. Where the hell was I going to sleep? It wasn't like the house was really an option. Alfred already had somewhere else to stay, with Arthur no doubt. With the top floor burnt and the entire house busy with repairs, I had to find somewhere else to sleep. That was going to be an adventure.

I stared at the simple black clock on the wall, picking out its steady click easily in the near silence of the room. The cream face read 9:02. That's a little late to drop by someone's house and request to stay there for the time of the repairs, let alone a night. None of my family lived within the state, so that was another option ruled out. There really wasn't anyone I could impose on to stay the night. Like hell I was going to be in the same house as my brother and Arthur.

It shouldn't have been too surprising to me really. The police had already contacted my parents and arranged for the repairs to be made. Files were already charged against Mr. Beilschmidt, though it seemed like his brother and my parents were getting along and really trying to work something out. We didn't want to sue. We just wanted compensation, and for our house to be fixed. Well, I'd also like to never see Gilbert again in my life. But one had to be reasonable. Baby steps.

I let out a great sigh, sinking deeper into my chair. I'd been on edge all night, simply trying to deal with the wild hand i'd been dealt. It felt nice to be able to relax, even a little bit. Well, it'd also be nice to be uncuffed. But to reiterate. One step at a time. I guess I couldn't really expect for things to be so easy. I really shouldn't have expected them to let me out so easily. I'd be here until at least midnight probably. And that would be if the statements were fast. They usually weren't. And Gilbert had already proven his ability to talk for hours on end. It was going to be a very long night indeed.

What would he even say? That it was an accident? He hadn't meant to burn anything down? Yeah right. Houses don't just light themselves on fire. It's amazing that the upstairs was the only thing that burnt. At least rewiring the kitchen and front room wouldn't be a problem. That was something to be thankful for. The upstairs would have to be completely redone though. What a chore. At least the parents were working out most of the repair bills for us. That was a plus.

"Mr. Williams?" A voice called. It was deep and comforting in nature, though I had completely no idea who it was. A man stepped into the doorway. He looked to be in his mid to late thirties, with golden brown hair. He was dressed in roman armor and a long red cape over his police uniform. This guy was an officer?

"Yes sir?" I responded quickly, though I was a little sad to see my beloved peace and silence go away.

"There is someone on the phone for you." He responded lazily. Seriously, how in the world did this guy manage to become a cop? He seemed more suited for stage performances.

"Oh. Alright. I'll take the call. Who is it from?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

"Your brother, I think. It was a little hard to tell, because he insisted on yelling the entire time." The officer added quickly, a thoughtful expression adorning his face.

"Yes, that would be my brother Alfred. He yells a lot..." I answered, slightly embarrassed. Well, that was Alfred for you.

"Here he is." I walked over to the wall and grabbed the receiver, holding the phone a good 6 inches from my ear. It was a necessary safety precaution. "Hello?"

" MATTHEW! OH THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE SAFE. I WAS REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE IF YOU WERE INTHEHOUSEMYBABYBROTHER-"

"Alfred! Calm down! Speak so I can understand you!" I yelled into the phone, trying to make myself heard over the torrent of words.

"But Mattiiieeeeeeeeee. Alright. Are you okay? Are they feeding you enough? Do I have to come rescue you? Do you have to stay there overnight? I heard you caught the guy who did it. I'm so proud of you, learning hero instincts from your big brother! Did you sock him in the face yet?" Alfred ranted. Well, at least I could tell his words apart now.

"Yes, yes, no, maybe, yes I did, and those instincts aren't your responsibility Al." I started, only to be cut off by a whimper on the other side of the line. I sighed. "Fine, maybe you helped a little bit in those. But that's not the point-" Again with the interruptions

"YEAH!"

"Alfred! Calm down! And no, I haven't gotten a chance to punch that asshole yet."

"Mattie! You swore?!"

"Yes Al. It happens all the time. Calm down." Seriously, could he get any more overprotective?

"Weird. Alright, I have to go. Arthur's getting another call from someone who is apparently very important." Alfred stated. I could hear faint british yelling from the other side of the line, so I thought I should probably go.

"Okay. Bye Al! I'll be alright. Say hi to Arthur for me as well."

"Got it. Take Care Mattie!" He hung up, and I handed the phone back to the armored officer.

"I trust everything went well?" He asked. "Oh, I'm Officer Vargas."

"Yeah. He was just really concerned. It's nice of him to worry like that, but he really doesn't need to. " I explained, thinking of the idiot that was my brother. Officer Vargas nodded his head once or twice, and then pointed back towards the door.

"I have to get going. You've got to come with me though. It's time for your statement."

"Thank you sir. " I followed him down the long white hallway, taking a brief glance at all of the posters and pictures on the wall. Schedules were posted, along with office name plaques. It looked just like a normal hallway. Officer Vargas stopped a few feet in front of my, and turned to open a door on my left. After quickly unlocking the room, we stepped inside and he relocked the door. A table with two chairs were the only pieces of furniture in the room. He sat at one, and gestured for me to take the other. I looked straight across the table, watching the harsh light from the overhead lamp glint off of his metal armor.

"So, Matthew was it? Can you please tell me a bit about yourself and what happened?" He asked, pulling out a pad of paper and a pen. I nodded quickly and began to explain. I was a journalist in my mid-20s. I mainly reported on hockey and other ice sports. I told him all about my family and a little about my friends. Well, the few that I had. He nodded and scribbled out notes the entire time. It was almost... nice to explain everything and have someone care and listen. However, I couldn't really forget that I was still being interrogated by the police.

I began my story of how my house had gotten burnt. I tried to be as detailed as I could, but there wasn't much to say. The story in and of itself was very typical. The only weird thing was that Gilbert had stayed put in the yard, watching his work take action. That was a little bizarre. Who was I to know what his intentions were though. Maybe he just liked watching fire. I'd be interesting to hear his reasons for burning the place. He couldn't have had enough animosity towards Alfred to try to burn down his house. Could he have?

I continued on with my explanation, recounting the event in its entirety. It was a little exhausting. I had been thinking about it all night, but that didn't make laying the entire story out any easier. I had squeezed every detail out from my brain by the time the session was over, from the layout of the house to my brother's schedule. It felt as if I'd been talking for an hour or two, so I was surprised when Officer Vargas told me that it was about 9:45. I'd only been in the room about a half hour. Well, I was fooled for sure.

As we walked through the hallway, I thought a little about what would happen next. Would they finally let me go home? Well, not home. Maybe to someone else's house? I'd really been hoping that I wouldn't have to stay the night at the station. I pondered briefly if Gilbert would have to stay. He was the prime suspect after all. It wouldn't surprise me too much.

We stepped back into the room that I had been waiting in earlier. Gilbert lounged lazily in his chair, which was closer to mine than I had remembered. Officer Herdervy was leaning against one of the walls, obviously irritated at the albino in front of her.

"Officer Herdervy! It's nice to see you on this shift. Having trouble with the feisty one?" Officer Vargas asked, earning him a glare from the brunette.

"No, I have not been, thank you very much. It's good to see you Rome." She replied, the look of annoyance never leaving her face.

"I'm sure." Officer Vargas retorted, a joking smile accompanying his sarcastic words.

"Oh shut it." She turned towards Gilbert and I, looking at us with a sense of relief. "Good, you're both here. I have a bit of news for both of you. First of all, Gilbert, Everything seems to be in order for you. You'll be free to go for the night, but you will have to stay at home. Think of it like house arrest, sort of."

"Eh, that's alright. At least I get to go home. Can I go now?" He asked impatiently, twiddling his thumbs. Who twiddles their thumbs anymore?

"Sure. Just be careful. If anything gets out of hand, we will step in. You have been warned." She warned.

"Kay. I'll see you suckers later! Kesesesesesese!" He stood up and walked away, laughing all the while. When he was gone from the room, Officer Herdervy turned to me.

"So, now that that jerk is gone, we can talk about your situation Mr. Williams. Seeing as your home is going to be undergoing renovations, do you have somewhere to stay?" She asked, mildly concerned.

"Yes, of course." I lied easily. I'd find somewhere. Even if I had to stay in a hotel for the night, I'd be fine. I could search for someplace in the morning.

"Alright, if you're sure." Officer Vargas spoke up. "You're free to go."

"Thank you officers. I'll take my leave now." I stood up, and thanked them each once more. After all, they were being very nice about the whole ordeal. It didn't take me long to exit the building. I wasn't sad to see the white walls and uncomfortable chairs go. If there was one place I was very glad to get away from for the evening, it was the police station. No more Gilbert Beilshmidt.

I opened the final door, cool night air brushing across my skin. It looked to be about 10:00. The parking lot was nearly empty, with just a couple of cars. Well, a couple of cars and a guy staring at his cell phone. I shrugged. Whatever that guy was doing was none of my business. I turned my mind instead to walking home. Alfred had the car if he was with Arthur.

"Hey." I heard a familiar voice say. My head snapped up to look at the guy sitting on the curb of the lot. His silver hair reflected the yellow light of the streetlights. There was only one person I'd ever seen with hair like that.

"Beilshmidt?" I asked, wondering what the hell he was doing here. He'd run out of that room like a bullet from a gun. There was no reason for him to stick around in the parking lot when one of the few cars was obviously his. He was twiddling the keys in his hand, looking exhausted .

"Yeah, it's me..." He sighed, having trouble spitting out what he wanted to say."Hey, do you have a place to stay?"

I blinked once or twice. Where in the world did this come from? It certainly wasn't his job to worry about me. "Not my normal house, but I'll find something. Nothing you need to worry about."

"Well, West said... I mean... ugh." He sighed, having problems with phrasing. He took a deep breath, and then tried again. "Seeing as it's my fault you're temporarily homeless, you can take the spare room at West and I's house until you find somewhere else to stay."

"Seriously? I'm not quite sure who taught you how to apologize, but this is not right. Why the hell would I stay at your house? You're a freaking arsonist!"

"I'm being serious here. You don't have to be an asshole about it. If you don't want to go, then just go wherever you were going before. I just thought that you might want a warm free place to stay. Suit yourself." He stood up and brushed the wrinkles from his hoodie with a shrug. I watched him take a couple of steps towards his car before responding.

"Wait. You're serious. You aren't just screwing with me?" I asked, not quite believing my ears. He had to just be pulling my chain.

"I'm 100% serious. But you just had to go and be a jerk about it, so now I might just leave whether you want to come or not." He smirked, opening the door of his car.

"Oh come on. Haven't you already been enough of an ass tonight? If you're really being serious, I'll take your offer." I hated to admit it, but I did need a place to stay. One night couldn't hurt.

"Alright then Birdie. To my place it is!" He unlocked the passenger side door, gesturing for me to get in the car. I quickly followed, not quite trusting him. There was something a little odd about this whole situation. Gilbert clicked his seatbelt in place and cranked up the radio, filling the car with guitar riffs and heavy metal. I sighed, sinking deeper into the seat. It had been a long day, but maybe things were looking up.


End file.
